It’s Just a Matter of Time

3/14/08 at 6:29 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Last week the ruling for the final appeal by the mother of our two (currently foster) kids was issued and delivered at the original (county) court.  The state supreme court voted 3-0 against, so the children are now available for adoption.  DSS will start the wheels turning (i.e. paperwork), though there is talk about subcontracting out our home-study.  I don’t know what’s involved in the home-study, but the fact that they would hire someone else to do it sounds like it’s involved.

On Sunday night Kristal and I talked to the boy (5) and girl (4) about adoption.  They took it much better than I anticipated.  I did not expect much from the girl, as she’s still too young to bother with anything beyond the next few minutes in her life.  The boy surprised me by knowing the difference between foster and adoption, having his name changed, remembering the different places he has lived, and just his overall acceptance of it.

I think the big difference maker for him is having an older brother he adores.  Well, maybe not so much adores but he does love him and looks to him for many things.  I did not have a big brother, and my little brother was young enough and insulated by two sisters in between us so that I did not have much to do with him while we were growing up.  Their age difference is 4 while my younger brother is 6 years younger.  It may not sound like much of a difference but it was back then.

Over the last few months I have enjoyed a better relationship with the 5 y.o. boy, as I’m finally starting to understand what makes him tick.  He’s not very expressive (particularly when he’s in trouble!) and tends to turn to Kristal whenever he has a need, so I’ve had to find my spots.  The girl is easy to love in spite of her hard-headedness, and I’m looking forward to having a strong relationship with her including lots of fun father-daughter activities.

It has been interesting to observe the dynamics between the three kids.  I thought at first the two younger ones would band together and shut out everyone else, but that has not happened at all.  The boy is at a point in his life where girls are icky, but they will occasionally play together.  She can get bossy and he hates to be bossed around by her, thus playtimes are shortened once in a while.

I have had to intervene when the boys play together and exclude the girl.  Every now and then the older boy will play with the girl and exclude the 5 y.o. boy, so it bounces back and forth.  For now the two younger ones have not shunned the older brother, as they typically compete for his attention.  He probably would not care if they tried to shun him, anyhow.

We are hoping that we will all be a legal (court approved and certified) Tater family by September.  I still feel pangs about taking them away from their birth mother, as I got to hear from her directly on how much she loves and misses them during the hearing last year.  Unfortunately she could not take care of the problems that caused her to lose the kids.  I feel this guilt moreso than with our 9 y.o. boy, as his birth mother was just a teenage girl who could not take care of herself.

I pray for both of these women, for God to give them comfort and reassurance that their babies are loved in a good home and will grow to be strong men and woman.

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