It’s Just a Matter of Time

3/14/08 at 6:29 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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Last week the ruling for the final appeal by the mother of our two (currently foster) kids was issued and delivered at the original (county) court.  The state supreme court voted 3-0 against, so the children are now available for adoption.  DSS will start the wheels turning (i.e. paperwork), though there is talk about subcontracting out our home-study.  I don’t know what’s involved in the home-study, but the fact that they would hire someone else to do it sounds like it’s involved.

On Sunday night Kristal and I talked to the boy (5) and girl (4) about adoption.  They took it much better than I anticipated.  I did not expect much from the girl, as she’s still too young to bother with anything beyond the next few minutes in her life.  The boy surprised me by knowing the difference between foster and adoption, having his name changed, remembering the different places he has lived, and just his overall acceptance of it.

I think the big difference maker for him is having an older brother he adores.  Well, maybe not so much adores but he does love him and looks to him for many things.  I did not have a big brother, and my little brother was young enough and insulated by two sisters in between us so that I did not have much to do with him while we were growing up.  Their age difference is 4 while my younger brother is 6 years younger.  It may not sound like much of a difference but it was back then.

Over the last few months I have enjoyed a better relationship with the 5 y.o. boy, as I’m finally starting to understand what makes him tick.  He’s not very expressive (particularly when he’s in trouble!) and tends to turn to Kristal whenever he has a need, so I’ve had to find my spots.  The girl is easy to love in spite of her hard-headedness, and I’m looking forward to having a strong relationship with her including lots of fun father-daughter activities.

It has been interesting to observe the dynamics between the three kids.  I thought at first the two younger ones would band together and shut out everyone else, but that has not happened at all.  The boy is at a point in his life where girls are icky, but they will occasionally play together.  She can get bossy and he hates to be bossed around by her, thus playtimes are shortened once in a while.

I have had to intervene when the boys play together and exclude the girl.  Every now and then the older boy will play with the girl and exclude the 5 y.o. boy, so it bounces back and forth.  For now the two younger ones have not shunned the older brother, as they typically compete for his attention.  He probably would not care if they tried to shun him, anyhow.

We are hoping that we will all be a legal (court approved and certified) Tater family by September.  I still feel pangs about taking them away from their birth mother, as I got to hear from her directly on how much she loves and misses them during the hearing last year.  Unfortunately she could not take care of the problems that caused her to lose the kids.  I feel this guilt moreso than with our 9 y.o. boy, as his birth mother was just a teenage girl who could not take care of herself.

I pray for both of these women, for God to give them comfort and reassurance that their babies are loved in a good home and will grow to be strong men and woman.



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  1. It’s so great that y’all are doing this!! I might think about fostering when Daniel is a few years older, but I have a feeling Paul will not be that into it, and so I’ll have an easy out. It’s such a risk to take someone else’s children into your home and your heart, but it’s definitely the Lord’s work. May He bless your family abundantly!!


  2. Thanks! I try not to think of it as a “risk” to take someone else’s children. You’re taking a part in someone’s life where the state decided help was needed. Kristal met with their birth mother today, and it hurts both our hearts to know how much she loves them and misses them.

    When you start out foster care one of the primary goals is for families to be reunited. I didn’t start foster care this second time around with the intent to adopt, but it’s there and I go by the Lord’s providence that it’s the right thing to do.

    Any time you open your heart you’re setting yourself up for possible pain. God made us to love, as He loved us first and shows us a better way. I do love both of the kids now, as I can feel the fear-every-parent-faces on me now (times 3!). So, like most other folks, we enjoy every day and put our hope in a brighter tomorrow.

    Hmmm, got a little philosophical – maybe I should stick to humor and clever quips!? You may want to consider foster care as Daniel reaches teen years and you still have the strength to run after other young-uns. There’s plenty of older couples in our foster care group who feel led to lend a hand and a heart.

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